And in the beginning, there was Weight

And God said "Let there be weight loss." And then I was thin. And all was right with the world.

And then I woke up. And since I had done nothing to change my weight, nothing had changed. Apparently there would be no divine intervention. No miracle. No act of God. Then what? An act of Me, perhaps.

It is 12/31/08. The last day of the year. Tomorrow is the first day of 2009, the last year of this decade. By the end of it, I will be 35 years old. One husband, two kids, two cats, an office job, house in the burbs, white picket fence (no shit, I am serious). And according to my trusty Taylor Lithium Biggest Loser Edition Accurate to 400 Pounds Digital scale, I am at present 366 pounds. Fuck that. Not my heaviest. It means I have been able to keep off three pounds. Fuck that, I say.

Rewind 6 months or so and I was all inspired talk about how I was changing my life, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, so that death doesn't part me from the world. Guns blazing, I jumped head first into all of it: Weight Watchers, exercise, the boards, the mantras, all of it. I stayed strong for half of the summer and then I made vacation my excuse. The latest in a long list of excuses, I assure you. Babies, birthdays, holidays, shitty days, change of job, change of scene, change of clothes. Whatever was handy, that was my excuse. I "tried" to get back into it in the middle of September, while I was in mid home purchasing hell. It was not a valiant effort, nor was it a fruitful one. And then I just stopped. Stopped carrying my WW book around, stopped bringing my own lunch, ever. Stopped going to the website, stopped talking to my WW peeps. Stopped doing anything that might remind me of my own weakness and frailty and ultimate FAILURE.

I got an message last week from my girl, Kelly (aka Drill Sgt Shrink A Bootie). Coming back? Yup. It's that time of year after all. The time for resolutions, new beginnings, fresh starts. Time for starting over or just starting. Time heals all wounds, time after time, time's up. Time. Here it is. Make your decision. Move forward? Stand still? Stay on the fence for another year? Yes, Kelly. I am coming back.

A thought occurred to me. What if I really followed the program this time? Like, no bullshit, followed it. All the guidelines, not just the ones I like. Eat all the points. Do the exercise. Do the work. Like Nike says, Just Do It. But there is the ever present 'IF' factor. What 'IF' I try and fail. What 'IF' I can't do it. 'IF' only it were easier. You are right, Kelly. For this to work there is no IF. And yes, I know I can do it.

So while there is no divine intervention, what could be more divine that working hard and reaping the benefits. In the beginning, there was weight...................