Why?

Years ago a good friend of mine was a Philosophy major in college. I remember her telling me about her final exam for a class was to come into the room and write an essay and the subject was on the board. When she came into the room, there was a single word on the board. Why? I remember her telling me how people toiled over their papers for hours and how they struggled and how they went to painstaking lengths to philosophise their way into an A on the subject of Why. If memory serves, my friend got a B, and was not entirely pleased about it because a couple of guys blew the curve. One of the guys got an A-. He wrote a single word. Because. The guy that got an A wrote two words. If they aren't obvious already, we will get there.

At my first WW meeting this time around, my leader asked us to think of Why we came that night and write it down. The idea being, in three to four weeks, when you have forgotten why you came, you can look at it an remind yourself.

I was stumped. Why did I come there? Well, because it's January, and New Years, and WW is like an annual tradition akin to Pumpkin Pie on Thanksgiving and Eggnog on Christmas, and Chinese food on New Years Eve and all of those are part of the reason it is an annual tradition, etc etc. But that is not the real reason why.

Because I am fat. Pardon the expression, but let's call a spade a spade. Because my medical records say 'Morbidly Obese young woman.' Because I am almost the heaviest I have ever been, and that includes times when I was 9 months pregnant. Because I want to look better - be healthier- fit into cute clothes. Blah, blah, blah. Not it.

Because of the children and husband that I love, and don't want to leave, and want to be able to play with. Still not it.

For me? To do the right thing for myself and take care of my body because it is the only one I get and I currently treat it like a toxic waste dumping ground. Nope.

This was not boding well for my triumphant return to WW. If I couldn't even figure out the basics of why I was there, how was I going to be successful? If I couldn't write something down, then what would I look to for inspiration in a few weeks when I was losing motivation. Losing it? I didn't have any!

I have stumbled blindly through my first two weeks of WW, going through some of the motions and ignoring others. This was my newest excuse. I couldn't figure out why I was going, so why bother. And a few days ago the memory of my friend and her philosophy class came to me. And that is when it hit me. It wasn't one of the aforementioned reasons that I showed up. It was all of them, tied up into a neat little package labeled 'Because.'

Because that is what you do at New Years. New year, new you, better you. New resolve, new food, new willpower. Because, because, because. But that is an A- effort at best.

The key isn't all the reasons I should do this. They are there, they have been there for years. No new ones even come to mind. The key is that I can't think of a single, valid reason not to do this. Being fat is so enjoyable? No. I didn't really want to be around to see my kids grow up? Nope. I feel so healthy and attractive at this weight, why change. Sorry, still no. NOT ONE REASON NOT TO!

So today, I wrote on a slip of paper, and slid it into my little WW folder. I will look at it when I can't remember 'why' I am doing this. I will use it as a source of remembrance and inspiration. I will use it to bring myself back to center, and to focus. It has only two words on it.

Why not?